Burnt Sugar & Cardamom Pot De Creme

(continued) Chapter 5: New York (2012 - 2018)

Sometimes, it’s hard to hit the brakes on your pace of life…

It was summer 2015, my business was at it’s peak, we were traveling a ton, we felt quite settled, and we were happy. Despite all this, NYC never really felt like home. People say NYC gives implants a 2 year grace period - once you’ve been there for 2 years, either you can never leave, or it was not meant to be. We had already been there close to 4 years, so we realised we somehow fell in the second category. We often contemplated moving, and discussed where we would go - would it be back to Hong Kong (as we very much loved it), or would we gamble with a new destination like London. But moving isn’t easy, and it almost always needs a catalyst. A catalyst were graciously given as I fell pregnant in late 2015.

We knew we always wanted kid(s), but having never grown up around many babies, I didn’t quite knew what it entailed. Plus, the thought of doing it without my mum was, to say the least, excruciating. But we were excited of welcoming a new family member - I hosted almost all the way through my pregnancy, and told my guests that I would be back to hosting 2-3 months postpartum. And as for being a parent, I was petrified of a lot of things but very confident that, if anything, I would nail the ability to feed my child.

Wrong on both counts.

Our daughter was born in June 2016. It was a lot of unknowns. A lot of trials and errors. And a lot of self revelations. The biggest being that I was not as patient a person as I had always thought of myself to be. And while I always knew I was a type A personality, I didn’t know the extent of it till after becoming a parent! Feeding a toddler has it’s challenges, and I suddenly found my culinary skills being tossed to the ground. It also took me 7 months to get back to hosting, and when I did, I burnt out in 3 months - hosting till late + barely sleeping to make it for the morning feed was a killer combination - not in a good way. It also suddenly became clear that we appreciated being around family, and wanted our daughter to grow up knowing her cousins and extended family - the push we needed to make our move a reality in the near future.

It was not all rosy, but it was eye opening.

I learnt that rejected food doesn’t make me a bad cook, or being able to finally get out for a ‘morning run’ at 2pm isn’t necessarily a downer. That date nights are so much more incredible when few and far apart, and planning a schedule only to have it out the window first thing in the morning is OK. That sometimes not having control is actually relaxing, and there is nothing perfect about any parent. That it is ok to slow down sometimes….

After summer 2017, I reduced the frequency of my supperclubs and vowed to balance work and parenting. I needed both to have their corners, but both to remain fun. The next year flew by, and by summer 2018, we were deep in discussions about moving. That was our last summer in NYC.

Closing this chapter of our life today with a dessert recipe that I often call bittersweet - quite literally as I discovered it accidentally when I burnt my caramel and it turned slightly bitter, and figuratively as I served it on my very first and last supperclub in NYC. And very much like parenting, it is the mistake and the measured in it, that make it just right.

And those tiny hands you see in the last pic, that are not so tiny anymore, are of that very baby girl who taught me to slow down…

Ingredients

1 cup heavy cream

1 1/2 cups whole milk + 2 tbsp

1 tbsp custard powder or corn starch

1/2 cup brown sugar to caramelise + 4-5 tbsp more

5-6 pods of cardamom, slightly crushed

4 egg yolks

1/2 tsp chai masala (optional)

Method

Grease a small non stick tray and keep aside. Add 1/2 cup sugar to a non stick pan and slowly heat so the sugar starts to melt. Do not stir it, and let it melt completely. Swirl it around once to see if all the crystals have melted. Increase the heat very slightly, and wait for the sugar to start caramelising (bubbling). Let it go for a few secs after the bubbles appear (this will burn the sugar just a little- you can smell the slightly burning smell!) and immediately turn off the heat. Pour it into the greased pan and let it cool completely (please be super careful pouring hot melted sugar out as it can cause major burns). Once cooled, break the crystals, with the back of spoon or a rolling pin, and store in an airtight container.

Dissolve the custard powder/corn starch in 2 tbsp milk & keep aside.

Beat the egg yolks with a pinch of salt in a large bowl, and keep aside.

In a deep bottomed pot, mix the milk, cream, cardamom, chai masala (if using) and the remaining sugar and bring to a simmer on medium heat. Don’t let it boil, and stir at regular intervals. Turn off heat and cool slightly. Once cooled, pour mixture slowly over the egg yolks, stirring constantly. Mix well, and return the mixture to the pot.

Now comes the laborious part, but trust me, it’s totally worth the effort! Heat the mixture on low heat, stirring constantly, till it begins to thicken. Do not increase the heat or stop stirring, otherwise the egg yolks can curdle, leaving you with a custard scramble. It should take about 10-12 minutes for the mixture to start thickening. Now slowly add the custard powder mixture, and continue to stir for another 2-3 minutes. The mixture will thicken even further and start to resemble a flowy custard. Do not overcook.

Transfer to small ramekins or dessert pots and chill overnight. Serve with a dollop of whipped cream, crushed biscuits or pomegranate seeds!

Chocolate Cherry Brownie Pudding

(continued) Chapter 3: Singapore (2000-2007 / 2008 - 2009)

[Trigger alert- heavy content]

Everything happens for a reason. Even though you don’t see it in that moment.

In Sep 2007, I switched jobs and moved briefly to Hong Kong to be closer to the boyfriend. It was one of the boldest things I’ve done, since I had no idea where that relationship was going yet. In Dec 2007, after fully recovering from the accident (yes, it took a while!), my mum visited Hong Kong. I couldn’t wait for her to meet the boy. I was nervous, but the meeting couldn’t have gone better. We picked a seaside restaurant, ordered loaded nachos, dug in with our hands, and laughed so much. I was overjoyed.

One evening I asked my mum, “How do you know if someone is the one”. And she replied. “You never do really. The only thing you can do is test them in good and bad times. Good times are a ton and easy to test. It’s the tough times that are harder to find.” Little did she know that in a few weeks, she would prove her own statement wrong.

Jan 12, 2008. I can never forget the day. We had our first big couple fight. There was anger on both sides, and we’d planned to meet at a cafe at 4pm to talk it out. In retrospect, it wasn’t a big deal at all. We also had a pizza dinner + movie booked with some friends after. We met, chatted, and life seemed normal again. Pizza was delicious, and with a full belly we got on to the famous Hong Kong city tram for a little ride before the movie. 7pm, my phone rang. I glanced at my phone - it was mum. It was noisy, but I excitedly picked up and said “Guess where I am mummy!”. Silence. Dad spoke. I sensed something wasn’t right the minute I heard his voice on mums mobile. “Oh hi” I’d said “kya ho raha hai “ (what’s happening?). His voice was broken and barely audible. I only heard words “Shuchi…….mummy……robbery……murder”.

I must’ve collapsed because I don’t remember the next few hours. Or the next few weeks or months after that phone call. In a single instant, my entire life - our entire lives- had been turned upside down. In an instant a lot had been taken away. In an instant, I was numb.

I rushed to India with my brother, wishing every minute I would wake up to a dream. I can’t sum up the days or weeks that followed in any number of sentences, but I only remember I tried very hard to make sense of it all. I simply couldn’t. This is stuff you read in the news, it’s not real. It doesn’t happen to real families. Ah, but it does. The rest of 2008 is a complete blur. And all I remember now of those days are the people who were by my side.

My mum was a good person, the glue of the family, a simple & kind heart, an artist, the best cook, the queen of rescue recipes. She could’ve done much more in life, but decided to put family first. I concluded (after many years of the incident) that perhaps this was the challenge, the tough times, she needed me to test, in order to create my own family. Cruel.

I don’t talk about this. Ever. So it has been tough to pen it down. And as I relive that pain, I couldn’t think of a better recipe to commemorate her than one that is something sweet, and born out of disaster. An ungreased brownie pan, several broken brownies, and an accidental custard led me to create this ‘rescue’ pudding.

Take a bite. Hope it helps you see reason during the trying times in your life.

Ingredients

For the brownies

180 g semisweet dark chocolate, broken into pieces

100 g milk chocolate, broken into pieces

2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder

110 g unsalted butter

3 eggs

3/4 cup brown sugar

1/4 teaspoon salt

Dash of vanilla essence

3/4 cup whole wheat flour (Indian atta)

1 cup fresh ripe cherries, pitted and cut into pieces

For the cardamom milk creme

1.5 cups + 2 tablespoons whole milk

2 tablespoons condensed milk

3 green cardamoms, crushed

1 tablespoon corn starch or plain custard powder

Sugar to taste

Method

Make the brownies

(This is my classic brownie recipe, with a few substitutions - fresh seasonal juicy cherries in place of nuts/chocolate chips and healthier wholewheat flour (commonly known as Atta in India) instead of all purpose white flour)

Sift together the flour and salt and keep aside.

Preheat the oven to 350F / 180 C, and grease a brownie pan or mini muffin pan and keep aside. 

Melt together both the chocolates and butter on a water bath (i.e. in a pot placed over another pot of simmering water) till smooth. Mix in the cocoa powder & sugar, and mix well. Let the mixture cool a bit. Once cooled, add the eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition. The mixture will begin to thicken and start to come together. Stir in the vanilla essence and finally add the flour + salt mixture. Mix just enough to incorporate the flour into the batter. Finally add the cherries, reserving some to sprinkle on top. 

Bake the brownies for 20-25 minutes, till a toothpick comes out almost clean, with little bits of cooked batter sticking to it. Unlike cake, if you wait for the toothpick to come out completely clean, the centre will overcook and dry out. Also, if you are using a mini muffin pan, they'll bake much quicker (under 20 minutes), so keep an eye (and nose!) out for them. You definitely do not want to over bake these - a brownie is only as good as it's fudgy centre! However, if you do over bake them, rest assured that this pudding will cover that flaw.

Once baked, cool the brownies to room temperature. These can be stored in airtight container for a week in cool weather. In summer, I'd store them in the fridge after 1-2 days.

Make the cardamom milk creme

In a deep pot, bring 1.5 cups of milk + condensed milk + cardamom to a simmer. Mix the corn starch or custard powder in 2 tbsp milk, and slowly add to the simmering milk. The mixture will begin to thicken. Reduce the heat to a low simmer, and let the milk thicken to half its initial volume. Discard the cardamom skins, adjust sugar, and pour the syrup in mini dessert cups, filling about 1/3rd. Reserve some for the top of the puddings. Refrigerate the cups to chill - the creme will thicken further.

When ready to eat, warm the brownies a little and crush them on top of the cardamom creme. Add more syrup on top. Enjoy the hot and cold, cherry, chocolate and cardamom, do a wonderful dance in your mouth!